Once a year we wake up our employee and the oldest affiliate manager on earth, Count Promotakula, also known as Count Traficepsh, and ask him to share his wisdom with us.
As usual, we went down to the basement of our office, where the Count’s cozy room is located between the billiard room and the boiler room. As usual, he sleeps in his “bed with a lid”, as he calls his coffin, and dreams of incredible money flows. Knowing that it is dangerous to wake him up just like that, we bring him the best offers, and when the Count calms down a little, he asks us, – “What is Halloween already? Or was another talentless movie made about me?” We answer that the Count’s favorite holiday is coming soon, and the movies about it are not so bad, because the low ratings on movie aggregators are usually given to them by the Count himself. “Because in these movies the creators twist everything, once you mix up a glass with a bloody mary, you can’t get away with it.”
To distract the Count from his sad thoughts, we ask him to give his famous advice to beginners and experienced affiliates.
“The main thing that drives a good affiliate is an insatiable thirst for income. The main thing that drives a buyer is fear. Fear of missing out on a good deal, I mean. Don’t be shy about exploiting this human weakness. Scare buyers with limited-time offers, let your pop-ups jump out of their monitors like screamers. Let your banners imprint on their eye meshes so that they see them even in their dreams.”
“Oh, I could go on forever about these insidious traps… All these countdown timers… Oh, no! Help me! If I don’t buy this right now, these lucrative bonuses will evaporate! Oh, my God! The enrollment for this bat transformation course ends in exactly five minutes! If I don’t register for this flight to Eastern Europe right now, someone else will take my place on the ship to Transylvania! You know what I’m talking about, that’s the real horror.”
“What other powerful incentives for successful sales besides fear? Of course, pain. Find the most painful points of your potential buyers and you will not even have to sell your product – they will ask for it themselves. For example, you, people, sleep in beds without lids. What if the ceiling of your castle collapses right on you? What if a madman decides to climb into your house to drive a stake into your chest? What if the curtain falls under its own weight and you find yourself right in the shining square of the terrifying sun from the window? See, an ordinary bed with a lid can solve all these deadly dangerous problems. And besides, it is simply cozy.”
“Sometimes you have to imitate something to get something. Adapt. Mimic, if you know what I mean. Even with my undeniable talents, I wouldn’t have enough ideas to successfully run my little affiliate business. So sometimes you have to imitate, mimic, as I said. Sometimes turn into a bat, sometimes cast a spell, sometimes copy the design of more successful sites in this field. Dirty tricks, but for those who have an insatiable thirst for income – all methods are good.”
“Okay, my appetite is running wild. When will the Halloween party start already, or at least Black Friday? Give me fresh offers! I want them!”
